Choices that break Tradition

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

I wanted to write something here about my heritage, but I can’t. When I was growing up there were heritage traditions that we stopped practicing because we moved and our lives were never the same. To me this question has more to do with making different life choices than my parents.

My parents wanted something different for their lives and careers. Although my father had a decent career, they felt stagnant in the city of our birth so they chose to move. They wanted a new life, somewhere else. We had a nice life before this move. I still can’t figure out why it wasn’t good enough for my parents.

Our first move was from a northern state to a southern state when I was ten. This move was one of those experiences that just beats you down and pulls the rug right out from underneath you. Everyone and everything that made me feel secure was now a two day drive away. Family dynamics changed in ways I didn’t anticipate. My grandfather also died during that period. It had nothing to do with living in the south. The south is beautiful. I just didn’t want to live there because I didn’t want to move. I felt broken. I felt lost. I did not fit in at school. Ever. The schools sucked and my grades dropped. My teachers judged me as a child who was lazy. In reality, I was a child who was hurting. Too bad they didn’t bother to ask. Although I had some friends where we lived, our community felt like a collection of misfits similar to the Island of Misfit Toys on Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer; people in transition. Living in that southern state for seven years of my childhood was a slippery slope of disappointments, bad behaviors and insecurities that have continued to haunt me forty five years later.

Seven years into this first move, I finally started to come out of my shell as my junior year of high school was ending. I had a drivers license, a car, a really fun fast food job that included a social group and a nice boyfriend. It didn’t last long though. The bomb dropped at the dinner table at the beginning of that summer. My father announced, “I got a new job. It’s not in this city.” There it was. We were to move to the midwest at the end of the summer…. just before my senior year. Unbelievable.

My senior year of high school was our first year in the midwest. I continued to be a nobody at school but things were moving in a positive direction. Fortunately, my teachers and guidance counselor were kind to me and my grades improved. I immediately got another fast food job and slowly started to develop a social life outside of school. I met my husband. We didn’t start dating until after high school. After high school, my then boyfriend, now husband and I attended community college together. He transferred to a four year school and I went to nursing school. After graduation he moved to the east coast for his career job where he remains today. My move number three, to the east coast followed two years later right after we were married. I am at the same hospital.

People say everything happens for reason and you end up where you are meant to be. I believe that now. Looking back, move number two to the midwest was absolutely necessary. It helped me to rise above the ashes of the previous seven years. Each year I was there got better and better and that city will always hold a special place in my heart.

My husband also moved during his childhood. One of the best choices we have ever made together was to never put our family through an out of state move. We kept that promise and still live in the house we bought early in our marriage.

Raising our children in the only house we have ever owned allowed them to attend only one elementary school, one middle school and one high school. It gave them a foundation of of security and stability that enabled them to grow and succeed socially, academically, and extracurricular school activities that they pursued. They are amazing individuals.

My husband and I, with our different nationalities, have established our own traditions with our kids. Hopefully they will continue them.

Choices are like domino effects. One choice triggers so many events.