My sick pup

I’ve been away from this blog a really long time. I just haven’t felt inspired to write anything. I’m confused and uncertain about the direction this blog is going in. I’m not sure if I like it. During my absence, I’ve tried to follow other people’s posts, admiring their clarity and direction  and in return have asked myself the same question, “who am in in this blog?”

Today I return though.  I return brokenhearted and devastated. The world that my husband, our son and daughter live in has been turned upside down and shattered. Our dog, a nine year old male mini poodle is in the hospital with a new diagnosis of Intervertebral Degenerative Disc Disease. The vertebrae in his neck are compressing his spinal cord and he’s paralyzed.

My daughter noticed Tuesday evening that he was acting like he was in pain. I left work three hours into my shift yesterday morning to bring him to the animal hospital. His condition has deteriorated significantly since his arrival there. While I was getting him into the car yesterday to bring him, he looked like he was doing a little better. He seemed to be moving around easier and I thought he’d get some doggie ibuprofen and he’d be good to go a few days later like he was three years ago when he appeared to have back pain.

They started steroids at 0300. The night veterinarian called at 0630 to tell us he’s paralyzed and that we should come in. Surgery would cost 11K. Would he ever be the same though? Do we want him to suffer? Hell.to.the.no! The tears came, I gathered my family and off we went to the vet. It was like a death march in a parade of darkness, despair and impending doom. When we arrived they wheeled him in. He was covered up and on his side. He picked up his head when we saw us. Once again, as he has for the past 6 years and 10 months, he filled our hearts with his love. It felt so so good to see him, to pet him, to kiss him, to hold his hand, to talk to him, to bring him his favorite toys, to feed him, to touch him and to reminisce about him in our lives. We have thousands of pictures of him of simple everyday moments of life that he has shared with us. He has taught each of us to love in a way that we were unfamiliar with and he has amazed us everyday with the gifts that God has given him. He is our everything.

The morning veterinarian came in to see us after a little while. She  doesn’t want to give us false hope yet she doesn’t want to give up on him just yet though. He’s on pain meds, anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxers and steroids in hopes that the steroids will take effect in 24-48 hours. We were relieved. We thought the night vet was inviting us to come put him to sleep.

The rug has been pulled out from underneath me and I’ve been hit by a train. Our happy little world with our dog is shattering and we are holding on for dear life.  I haven’t cried this much in a day in probable 10 years. I’ve seen so many people experience what I am experiencing right now with their pets. Every time I see someone go through it I always always say a prayer of thanks for my dog. This sucks. I’m a nurse. I see this all the time with humans. I hurt for patients and families when they get a shit diagnosis. I am realistic too. I know there’s no guarantee those steroids are going to work and but am I being selfish for wanting them to? The vet said IF the steroids are effective, he’ll need weeks to months of pain meds, steroids and muscle relaxers. We as a family commit to that. I just want him home. I want to nurse him. I want to love him more. We all do.

After we left the vet went for lunch, dropped my son back at school and after we got home I took a nap. I stopped by the church. It was locked so I sat in front of the statue of Mary and asked for a Divine Intervention. God has granted them to before. Now I need another one.

The paw I am holding is his right front. In September of 2016 he snagged it on the carpet, ripped it and it bled. We took him to the same animal emergency hospital where they fixed it. From then on we called it boo boo paw.

Below are the lyrics to Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work”. Although sad, I like it because it’s asking for one last chance. That’s all I want.

Lyrics
Pray God you can cope
I’ll stand outside
This woman’s work
This woman’s world
Ooooh it’s hard on a man
Now his part is over
Now starts the craft of the Father
I know you’ve got a little life in you left
I know you’ve got a lot of strength left
I know you’ve got a little life in you yet
I know you’ve got a lot of strength left
I should be crying but I just can’t let it show
I should be hoping but I can’t stop thinking
All the things we should’ve said that I never said
All the things we should have done that we never did
All the things we should have given but I didn’t
Oh darling make it go
Make it go away
Give me these moments
Give them back to me
Give me that little kiss
Give me your talking hands
Give me your hand baby
(I know you have a lot of strength left)
Give me your pretty hand
(I know you have a little life in you yet)
Ooh you have a lot of strength
(I know you have a lot of strength left)
My loved child
(I know you have a little life in you yet)
Whatever you need baby
(I know you have a lot of strength left)
Give me your hand
(I know you have a little life in you yet)
Give me your hand
(I know you have a lot of strength left)
Oh I should be crying but I just can’t let it go
I should be hoping but I can’t stop
Thinking and thinking and thinking
Of all the things we should’ve said that we never said
And all the things we should have done that we never did
All the things that you wanted from me
All the things that you needed from me
All the things I should have given but I didn’t
Oh darling make it go
Just make it go away
Psalm 34:17-18 The Lord hears his people when they call to him. 
                            He rescues them from all their troubles.
                            The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those who are crushed.

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Labor Day Special 9/3-9/7

September is my birth month and I am sharing the love. I am offering some specials. Starting 9/3-9/7, I am offering $30 dollars CASH BACK if you purchase a Young Living membership through me. After you join, I call Young Living Customer Service to get you a 25.00 credit to your account to use for future purchases. I send you $30 cash PLUS Essential Oils Pocket Reference Seventh Edition for FREE.

How to join: Go to youngliving.com. Click “become a member”. Add my sponsor/enroller number 13000369. The next screen lets you pick your Premium Starter Kit. The next screen adds your mailing info. The next screen adds your payment.

OR Click Link below and that takes you directly to page where you’ll find my enroller/sponsor number.

https://yl.pe/7qnk 

I joined Young Living on September 27, 2017. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought I was just purchasing a membership to have access to essential oils to support things about my health that I didn’t like and that was it. I was so wrong. I had no idea about the rest of the products they sold. Personal Care. Infant and Children Products. Nutritional Products. Make Up. Men’s Products. Animal Products, the list goes on. I order a few things each month and little by little I’m reading, learning from others and eliminating products in my home and products that I put on my body that are loaded with scary chemicals. I feel better for it and I want to lead you to the same kind of lifestyle; and investment in your health.  Young Living has supported my health in ways that I never imagined. Give it a try.

 

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Worries and Matthew 7:7-8

Do you believe in signs? I do. They are everywhere and in many different forms. You just have to open your mind and your heart to them and they will appear. When they do, say thank you.

I subscribe to multiple spirituality and religious pages on WordPress and Instagram. It is cheesy probably but I do go to Mass too. Every now and then I’ll see a post on one of my favorite sites and it speaks to me as if it’s telling me whatever is on my mind at the time is going to be ok. It could be biblical passage, a quote, a video, a poem. For example, this spring I was first introduced to Matthew 7:7-8. 7″Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door ill be opened.” I loved it immediately because it’s so simple and powerful and appears exactly when I need it; when I am feeling discouraged and alone and in need of a little voice to reassure me that God is working behind the scenes for me. It’s a reminder for me that God is indeed listening, to continue to pray, to believe in what I’m doing and to never give up.

Of course people pray for various reasons. One reason is worry. Sometimes our mind gets rolling on a certain concern and takes you on an upside down roller coaster of anxiety, fear, negative self talk and tries with all its might to drive you insane as you worry if the outcome of your worries doesn’t turn out in your favor.

That was me yesterday. In addition to the challenging group of patients I was assigned, my mind got started on something and wouldn’t quit, leaving me with a tension headache from hell. Throbbing pain that radiates from the back of your neck, over your scalp and makes your face and nose throb. Hours later after I’d calmed down I went on WordPress. What did I find? A sign in the form of a wonderful post by The Boring Bug entitled “Stop worry and start worrying”  . It was exactly what I needed at that time to help me let go of the nonsense chatter in my head.

Be sure to click and check it out. It’s well written and worth your time. Stop worrying!!

 

 

 

Healthier Options

Ningxia Red is loaded with superfoods and powerful antioxidants to support energy and wellness. I’ve eliminated my lunchtime caffeine boost of cola and selected a healthier choice. It’s a huge step for me. I’ve grown dependent on the lunchtime caffeine boost because I get up so early and often have out of the house kid obligations in the evening. My body needs the healthier stuff more than the cola though. I’ve also had to make some dietary changes to support a sensitive upper GI tract. Caffeine is a Gastrointestinal irritant. While I’m not ready to give up my morning coffee, this is a good start. It’s been several shifts since I’ve made the switch and I don’t miss the cola as much as I thought.

If you aren’t sure about an Essential Oils Premium Starter Kit, why not try a NingXia Red Premium Starter Kit? Interested in joining Young Living and taking advantage of these wonderful products? Click here.   Questions? Email me, I’d love to hear from you and get you started on a journey towards natural health and wellness. jennycrn@comcast.net

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Emotional Oils 2

Emotional oils are by far my favorite type of Essential Oils. I am so grateful for the sense of well-being that they give me. I feel what my body needs on a given day and I use the appropriate oils.

I’m shutting it down early tonight. I’m coming off a six day in a row stretch of work. I worked my 4 day work week, did one 8 hour training class and today picked up an on call shift. I’m calling in dead now. Too many days in a row of playing nurse; I’m enjoying my evening at home with my family, my dog and a new book and the idea of not getting up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow. Tonight I’m diffusing RC to keep the snoring at bay, Inner child to reconnect with my inner self and Lavender for relaxation.

Emotional Oils Part 1

Release and White Angelica. I enjoy using this combination of emotional oils. Release is applied in the right upper quadrant of the abdominal area, where the liver resides, behind the ears and on the bottom of feet. It supports emotional well being by helping us let go of negative emotions.

White Angelica helps to neutralize negative energy and helps us feel strong and secure. It also helps us to feel whole.

I first started using these two together a few months ago during a difficult time and it has really made a difference for me on bla days. I also apply it when I am around people who have negative outlooks or I anticipate my inner strength and peace being tested in some way.

Emotional health and support are as equally important as supporting physical areas of your body. Life is messy.

The Old House on Memory Lane

I’ve always felt that selling a house and moving out of it was similar to ending a relationship. You are basically telling the house you don’t want it to be part of you life anymore. Who can forget the last moment when the moving truck pulls away and it’s time for you to leave the house for the last time? You get in your car to drive away and you are afraid to look back for the last time because if you do you’ll wonder, in a flurry of emotions if you’ve made the right choice. Maybe selling the house wasn’t your choice though.

Thirty eight years later, I still remember the day we said goodbye to and drove away from the house in Buffalo, New York where I spent the first decade of my life. There was nothing wrong with the house, my parents simply wanted to change careers and live in a different city in another state. So, we sold the house and moved away.

It was a great house. Built in 1920, it was the only house of it’s architecture on the street. It was custom designed for a physician so he could have his practice in his home. The downstairs floor was for the physician, his family and the practice. The upstairs was a mini apartment for his elderly parents. The rooms in the house of course changed as owners changed though.

If you are looking at the house from the street; The front room of the house had a sun room. It had a nice breeze in the summer but was drafty in the winter. After the sunroom was the living room. After the living room the dining room was on the left and the kitchen on the right. Behind the dining room was a bathroom and spare bedroom. Behind the kitchen was a pantry and an extra room that we had a refrigerator and we kids used as our play room where our toys were. The main room of the basement was finished with knotty pine walls and a half bath. The upstairs front bedroom belonged to my parents. My brothers’ bedroom was on the left, my bedroom on the right. There was a bathroom with a claw foot bathtub and my grandmother’s bedroom was in the back of the house. The back yard had my mom’s garden, a grape vine and a matching two car garage.

Every room of that house had memories that only the family that lived there would know. Memories that last a life time. Memories that you don’t think about but when they come back to you, you just pause in silence so that you can experience them again.

Memories light the corners of my mind

Misty water-colored memories of the way we were

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then

Or has time rewritten every line

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me, would we?

Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet

What’s too painful to remember

We simply choose to forget

So it’s the laughter we will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

The way we were

I’m sure if my brother reads this he’s going to call me a sap who’s stuck in the 1970’s, BUT, my dad is a big Barbra Streisand fan and that’s a song I remember from living in that house, during the 1970’s.

We still have family in Buffalo, even my brother lives there again. We’ve visited from time to time over the years. Sometimes we’d drive by the house, sometimes not. The last time I was there was 4 years ago. My mission was to surprise my brother in front of that old house for his birthday. Once again, the house was part of our lives if only for a moment.

The house has been in my subconscious mind more so lately. It’s up for sale again and my parents are interested in buying it. My husband and I had lunch with my parents on Saturday. My dad proudly showed my husband the pictures of the house that were listed on the realtor website. As my dad went through each room with my husband, it occurred to me that my dad still remembers every nook and cranny of that house because he and mom did so much work to it through their late 20’s, early 30’s.

Memories I hadn’t thought about in years returned to me as I listened to my dad tell my husband about the house. The stairwell where my foot stuck to the hardwood steps and I gashed my chin, needing stitches. The bedroom window that I looked out one night and convinced my little brother that a cluster of stars was indeed Santa and his sleigh. The stairwell that when my brother was a baby and my mom would carry him upstairs to bed, he’d wait until they reached the top to throw his bottle, spilling milk everywhere. The dining room where we ate sauce on Sundays… yes we are Sicilian. The living room where my dad and his friend played the piano and where I used to watch that show EMERGENCY with my friend and then we’d throw my dolls on the floor into an accident scene and save their lives with my Fisher Price Medical Kit. (Who knew I’d become an ER nurse!). The Sunroom where my brother wrote on the wall with a big black crayon minutes before my dad got home from work. The fireplace where a bird flew in during a snow storm and crapped on the walls. The sun room my dad had his stereo and it it always played awesome music like the Eagles, The Bee-Gees, Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet Band, The Beatles, Paul McCartney, Chicago, Linda Ronstadt, Bette Midler, Barbra Streisand, Motown, Fleetwood Mac, The Charlie Daniels Band and too many more to count. My love of 70’s music was born in that house because, well it was the 1970’s. The kitchen that my grandma baked the most beautiful pies in. The playroom that my brothers and I played in and beat each other up in. The spare room where over night guests stayed. The backyard that held our swing set. The garage door that we’d bounce balls against. So many rooms, so many memories. It was a great house with so much potential. As an adult, I’d buy it in a heartbeat.

Hopefully I’ll be able to bring my children into the house some day to show them where I lived. I’m a firm believer in “it will happen if it’s meant to be. The same goes with buying a car or house. If it’s meant to be, my parents will own that house once again.

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